lundi, août 30, 2004

i had the strangest dream last night.

someone in his 20s had been murdered and we were trying to find out who his killer was. there's a flashback and we focus on someone playing in a street-side band. there are many people around and he's singing but watching the boy as he sings. everyone is watching the boy. people are dancing and everyone seems to know the boy. i'm not sure if i'm physically there, or if i'm hanging on the edge of the canvas. but then i'm running walking through an apartment complex. i walk into a room with a brain nailed to a table. i think i know whose it is and i'm fucking scared and i suddenly realize where the body is. i run through the room and find someone else and she's not threatening or dangerous but i think i'm still nervous and afraid. i've been in this apartment building before, in other dreams. there's a central grand stairway and i'm usually in one of the top apartments. i look outside and sometimes we're atop a knoll amidst lush green fields, this time we're embedded in the middle of a grey city, beside other grey apartments. many windows and doors have been boarded up with splinters and scraps of wood. we're in a tenement complex. i live there but i don't think i'm supposed to be there. i walk through dimly lit hallways and there's always something or someone ahead of me making noises, opening doors, sliding things around. it's pretty fucking spooky and for some reason there's a lot of sand on the floor. then nathan and his brother and some girl are there with me. we're in our rooms frantically packing and getting ready to leave. i can't seem to focus on packing anything. i just stare at the clothes in the closet.

dimanche, août 29, 2004

i've just become obsessed with kissing the lipless by the shins. i suppose i should also find out what the other songs sound like.

it's unnerving the way each morning brings me closer to monday evening and the united airlines ticket counter.

samedi, août 28, 2004

Upstairs a British voice said:
"There are forms of vertigo that do not include spinning."

- white noise, don deLillo

she's sitting right in front of me in her purple top studying a textbook "from the 1980s - it even mentions the communist bloc!" she's absolutely adorable and i think i'm going to go give her a kiss.


but the days have been amazing.

mercredi, août 25, 2004

it's the morning and i'm midway through an espresso and ms. john soda just came on covering here she comes. a blue glass of water just appeared on my right.

trying to get stuff out of the way before i leave for north carolina.

it's so cold now, i swear it will be warm - here she comes now.

it looks beautiful out but i guess i'm tense from the coffee and anticipation. i've been terribly distracted these past few days. i've tried starting white noise several times but i've not been very successful.

mardi, août 24, 2004

everytime we speak, i get seriously drunk on her - every laugh, every sigh, every exasperated argh i hate you.

how do you deal with something that intoxicating? i never prepped for any of this. why didn't anyone warn me?

lundi, août 23, 2004

wow this is pretty neat. i just stumbled onto kayvon's jellyfish homework.

kayvon's also got a paper at siggraph this year on using graphic units for general purpose processing, and adrien (back from france i assume!) has one on fluid control.


mardi, août 17, 2004

ok so i've got a scotch in hand and somehow i find this really fucking funny.

ali g:
so when you arrived on the moon, was the people who lived there friendly or was they scared of you?

buzz aldrin:
there was absolutely no thought of encountering any living being whatsoever.

ali g:
do you think man will ever walk on the sun?

buzz aldrin:
no. the sun is too hot. it is not a good place to go to.

ali g:
what happens if they went in winter, when the sun is cold?

buzz aldrin:
the sun is not cold in the winter.

lundi, août 16, 2004

hello. meet my little sister pauline. she's a genius and she's run off to hawaii without me.

dimanche, août 15, 2004

so much has happened since friday. yesterday was so incredible in so many different ways, and complicated in perhaps even more.

the chemistry between us.

and i can't tell anyone about it. i'd like to scream it to the world but i can't. not right now.

jeudi, août 12, 2004

i'm finally back home in boston.

we worked all day saturday till 6am sunday morning, then went home to nap/sleep before leaving at 930am for new york. we left headquarters tuesday afternoon, and checked into the hudson. we promptly showered then rendezvous'd at the amber-lit bar for a flurry of wine, gimlets and martinis (in an effort to accelerate the inebriation). somehow a few hours later we found ourselves being seated at sushi samba by a pretty hostess who looked like a brown-haired kate moss. i think the orginial plan was to head out for another round of drinks but instead we ended back at the hotel in our rooms sprawled all over the bed, listening to an old rjd2 album, playing with the lights and then talking and falling asleep from exhaustion.

samedi, août 07, 2004

( i thought you'd fall for me | hope sandoval )

the second keg got relocated to the rooftop overlooking our deck, acting now as a silver beacon of sorts overlooking kenmore square. i am not quite sure how it got there, but i've been informed that we've about a third of beer left in it, and that maybe we should try to take it down sometime.

we had a lot of people last night. and a lot of alcohol. i woke up this morning feeling not terribly ill, but terribly depressed. i'm pretty sure that nothing went wrong last night, but i'm also pretty sure that nothing went absolutely right.

we moved like butterflies from cluster to cluster, speaking, conversing but not really saying anything at all. i didn't get to talk to the people important to me. we kissed our hellos. we fluttered around. we kissed our goodbyes.

mercredi, août 04, 2004

we're working late at the office tonight. correction. we've been working late at the office everyday for over a week. we present in new york on monday and it's been an assorted mess of stress and worry and elation and general panic.

but it's ok i guess. i'm just tired.

anyway, so i like this video by ms. john soda. i really do. it's sad and bittersweet and it's called "i think it could work, marylin."

"i think it could work, marylin."

mardi, août 03, 2004

so leonard and ali are at home and leonard is eating breakfast.

he does not want to go into work.

lundi, août 02, 2004

gawd i'm tired.

today was crazy - worked worked, had a cigarette break or two, worked, rushed over to wentworth for anna's design reception, walked home via the fens, and sat by the dining table for about 15 minutes before maiya called. i then jumped into a pair of jeans, and into her car, which in turn sped over to brookline to find adam and kyle. we ended up at some bar that sounded like "autumn car" but on hindsight it was probably some welsh or irish place. anyway so apparently i'm back at home right now and trying to work some more but i'm feeling fucking exhausted.


dimanche, août 01, 2004

ladies and gentlemen, i have just built a web service.

* and leonard pats himself on the back. pat pat pat. *
so it's a sunday.

it's a dreary sunday with overcast skies and the occasional blustery wind, but somehow it still ends up being humid and not quite nice hot, but that in-between warmness that's on the edge of bothersome.

i'm in the office and not very happy. i'm not sure if this is due to being really drunk last night but maybe it is. it's funny how it's impossible to tell the difference. at this point, i seem convinced that everything in life is shitty and the skies will soon open up and either crash down on me, or swallow me whole.

i've put on my "happy happy" playlist in a last ditch attempt to get out of this. and yes, i've a nalgene bottle of water beside me to. drink drink drink.